8 Steps to Keeping Your Marriage When You Lose Your Job

Geplaatst op 11-06-2025

When we bought our home in late summer of 2019, we did what they said new homebuyers are supposed to do: saved money for a down payment and bought a home that we could afford. Now that we had made our dream of homeownership come true, we began working toward rebuilding our depleted savings while making some needed improvements to our new home.

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A couple of months later I got laid off. We had a new mortgage, a young baby, a daughter in private school and now, no rainy day savings. The fallout from going from a two-income household to one didn’t just rock our finances, it tested every part of our marriage, often making our happy home feel like it had been built on shaky ground.

Unfortunately, my story is not unique; we were just one of many families going through the exact same thing. Unemployment is hard, the frustration, pain and sometimes depression is real and it can tear families apart if you let it. But some of the lessons we learned (many the hard way) were invaluable:

1. Devise a new budget immediately

If you were budgeting like roommates like we were before the layoff, now is the time to stop that and start working together. Determine what can you continue to pay, where you can cut back, what you need to get rid of and how much you will use your savings to supplement.

2. Contact your creditors.

Not just those of the spouse who is laid off. Even if you don’t need the extra help right now, early on is the best time to have an idea of what your options are in case the layoff lasts longer than anticipated. Can you defer or lower students loans? Does your mortgage offer a hardship program? Find out and take action early before it becomes an emergency.

3. Mutually agree on where you need to cut back.

You may need to get rid of many of your non-essentials. But are there things that mean a lot to your family that you are able keep within budget? For instance, because I wasn’t working, I could cut things like new clothing, hair appointments and mani/pedis. But we did keep our family membership to the YMCA, and I’m glad we did. See the next step.

4. Leave the house.

Around eight months into unemployment, I started to sink into a depression. Job application after job application had left me with nothing but rejection. Some days I wanted to do nothing beyond lie in bed and eat my sorrows. Going to the library for story time with my son, going to the YMCA gym daily, checking out the free museums, going to workshops at the Workforce Development Center in my county, all of those things kept me feeling motivated and woke my spirits up when it was hard.

5. Keep dating your spouse

This was one of the biggest challenges for my husband and me. The things that we used to do before the layoff were no longer in our budget, so instead of finding other ways to connect, we just didn’t. Think of free things you can do together and do them on a regular basis. If you had a regular date night before, keep it. Instead of going out to a fancy restaurant, you may be making dinners at home and watching movies on the couch, but you need that connection now, more than ever before.

6. Make your spouse feel valued.

Unfortunately our worth is so tied into what we do that when you don’t have an answer available for that depression can set in. As the spouse of an unemployed person, one of the best things that you can do is re-assure your spouse of his or her worth on a regular basis, whether that is through encouragement, compliments or just deciding not to treat your spouse differently because of her new financial status.

7. Know that recovery can take a long time.

After being out of work for a year, I have been back at work now for a little over two. We are still recovering from the layoff and just getting back to many of the things we wanted to do before it happened. Those home improvements we wanted to make and that savings re-building is something that we can just now start putting into place after having to work hard just to stabilize our home.

8. Most important, know that this part of your life will end.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. It may not feel like it some days, but you will not be forever unemployed. Hold tight to one another, find the value in each other and yourselves and someday soon you will make it through to the other side.

Has your marriage ever dealt with a layoff? What tips do you have for staying connected when one spouse is out of a job?